When I first started my blog I promised myself I would
always be transparent with people about my feelings and my life even if things
weren’t perfect or glamorous so here it is, for better or for worse.
In November of 2010 my husband
and I took our vows:
“to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better,
for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us
part.”
It seems we have been tested on every single part of
these in the last couple years, from horrible sickness shortly after he got
home from Iraq to richer and poorer as we transited out of the Army and now for
better and for worse. Life is always constantly changing but what do you do
when some of life’s most significant changes happen all at once? Well you have
two choices, you give up or you fight for what matters most. Between moving
states, starting a new life and having a baby things have been overwhelming to
say the least but worst of all somewhere in all the chaos my husband and I lost
the thing that mattered most: we lost ‘us.’
I became so focused on taking care of a little human
being that I neglected to take care of my husband.
My husband engulfed himself in his career so much that he
lost he focus on things back home.
For months we argued but never about what we were really
upset about, what was really hurting us. Instead we bickered about frivolous
things….when we lost our ability to communicate we lost ‘us.’ After many tears,
long pauses of silence to collect our thoughts and process all the emotions we
finally talked about all the things we had been keeping inside. It is going to
take some work, a lot of work, to get our marriage back where we want it to be
but I know I have the best teammate in the world who will fight for us and our
marriage.
We had the choice to give up,
to tap out when
things started to get rough,
to toss out four years together and almost three of
marriage,
to start over with someone new.
But we took vows and even though the fire isn’t blazing
like it use to, the hot coals are still there and with some work we can start
that fire again. Because after all, we are in this for better or for worse.
