Waiting...

          Well another trip to the hospital just to leave without a baby in our arms and painful contractions still happening in my belly. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed and a few tears weren’t shed. As I sat in bed consoling myself with unnecessary processed fats while my husband tried to catch up on sleep since I once again dragged him to the hospital for no reason, I started to feel something I had not felt before (no I’m not talking about contractions) I felt contentment. I am extremely anxious for Jasmine to be born but a part of me is going to miss being connected to her like this. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I have been dreaming of the day I finally get to hold her and see her; yet as she wiggled and kicked inside me (and even as I write this) I realized how content I am to still be carrying her. I also realized how selfish I was being by wanting her to come early so badly. Maybe, just maybe, she isn’t ready for this world. God not only knows when she will be born but He also has Divine plans for her once she gets here. I’m an imperfect person, how am I supposed to grasp or even comprehend His perfect plans for me and my daughter?
           

            I am no stranger to the ‘waiting trial.’ Jasmine is the miracle Josh and I have been waiting for, long before she was even conceived. God was testing us then and I have no doubt that He is testing us now. But the beauty is that He is always so faithful to provide.

            As we walked, or in my case waddled, out of the hospital my husband said, “Well the good news is you won’t be pregnant forever!” Being emotional and hormonal I did not take this statement well; however, I am now able to recognize that everything has a time and no trial lasts forever. While finishing the last of my Taco Bell indulgence I mulled over God’s word about timing and I found myself in the book of Ecclesiastes. His words gave me comfort:

“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

            So as I continue to wait I find reassurance in the fact that God has a time for everything even when I can’t or refuse to see it. I am still anxious but for now I will continue to enjoy my daughter’s movement from within because someday soon it will only be a memory.

<3 JT