“It is better to have loved and lost,
than to never have loved at all.”
I have been
thinking long and hard about this statement today. Though I am grateful for the
time I did spend with our child, no matter how briefly it was, I am still left
feeling empty and questioning everything. But do I regret getting pregnant with
Baby Talcott? Absolutely not. My heart aches for the day I get to meet our baby
yet I wouldn’t take those 6 weeks back for anything or the painful weeks and
months that have followed. I still don’t understand why this happened, maybe I
never will.
It has been
especially difficult lately as I’ve planned my sister’s baby shower. I can’t
get the thought out of my head that this should have been me. I am eager to be
an aunt again but it is a constant trigger of what I could be experiencing,
what I’ve lost, what I am missing out on. I am trying so hard not to be needy
but I wish for once someone would just ask, ‘how are you?’ or ‘how are you
coping with all this?’
*sigh*
But sadly I
am still greeted with the wall of silence. I understand that this isn’t a
pleasant thing to discuss but I want nothing more than for people to
acknowledge our loss, our baby. Such a tragic event is already isolating enough
and is only made worse by the way others isolate you or avoid the topic. I
truly believe people are tired of hearing about it. If that is the case then
defriend me or don’t follow my blog because I will never stop talking about
Baby T. This isn’t some scraped knee that will heal over time…no this cuts much
deeper than that and not even time will completely heal this pain.
I guess in
summary it is better to have loved and lost then to never have experienced that
love at all, but it sure doesn’t make it any easier…
<3 JT
