Strength.
Literally defined as the quality or state of being strong, vigor. I have worked
extremely hard at becoming mentally strong again after losing our baby. Some
days bring more progress than others. Tonight I wanted to just cry. I missed
our sweet jellybean so much and I missed my husband, who has to be so inconveniently
gone right now. But even as my mental and emotional state become stronger and
gain vigor again, I realize that I have lost physical strength as well.
Before
our baby came into this world and inevitably left just as quickly, I had been
working out on a fairly regular basis. I was running faster than I have in
years and I was proud to see the beginning of defined abs. I never felt so
confident in my body and in myself. But after the miscarriage, as the doctor recommended,
I could not work out for 6 weeks. The emotional stress led me to eat more
comfort food than I’d like to confess to eating and put a little cushion on my
once abs. Tonight when I found myself feeling sorry for myself and crying over
all the emotional pain I decided to start my routine again. My body punished me
for the absence of exercise with pain and cracks but it lessened the pain in my
heart and took my mind to a more peaceful place. It feels good to get back into
my routine and I pray it helps me sleep better at night too. As I strive to get
my mind back into a state of being strong, I also want to regain my physical strength.
Someday I’ll see those abs again…
<3
JT 
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