The last few years have
brought a lot of trials, but in retrospect I have been encountering trials all
my life. While in the middle of the fire I often cried out to God, ‘why me?!’
Why must I go through the
pain of losing a child?
Why must I go through the
battle of illness?
Why….
Why….
Why….
Yet with the start of the
New Year I took some time to reflect (and cry) about many of these trials and
for the first time I saw their purpose. Throughout the years I have been able
to use my struggles to minister to others going through the same thing.
I spent most of college
working with women and young girls dealing with abuse; had I not experienced
the control and violence first hand I would not have had the compassion or
courage to share their journey.
More recently I have spent a
great deal of time comforting mothers whose babies are in Heaven with my angel.
For so long I felt like our child’s death was beyond senseless but I realize
more now than ever that his life was not in vain.
While fighting what seemed
like an impossible battle against infection, I made friends with those fighting
illnesses of their own. We were able to find strength in each other and
celebrate the little things that others could never understand.
God used every single one of
these trials, and many more, to show Himself to the world. He used ME as an
instrument of His love. How awesome is that?!
So as I wallowed in my own
self-pity, I was reminded of a verse in the Bible:
“Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I
send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.”
~Isaiah 6:8
<3 JT
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